that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
