I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
