i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
