So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
