I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
