remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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