my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
