It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
