Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
