Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
