I am puke
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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