you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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