dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
