Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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