I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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