just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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