Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
