Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i can't believe i had my finger in that
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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