Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
