yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
