Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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