god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
