i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
