We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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