dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
