im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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