when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
