I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
