I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
