Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
