i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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