My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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