She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
