my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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