i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
