two words: eviction party
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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