Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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