so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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