somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
