Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
