found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
