At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
