I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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