sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
