Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
only if we run a train.
done.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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