i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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