Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
operation harelip BJ is a go
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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