you would pick up someone in the library
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
