eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
