I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
