(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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